The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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