I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's the barista slut.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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