Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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