I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
