Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
