Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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