you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
