she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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