I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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