How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
