can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
