they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize