4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so explain again why im purple
no
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
