I want to make a zoo with you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
