oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
