Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
