After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
