it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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