everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just google imaged poop.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
