i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
