I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
