It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
