I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
