i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
