my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize