I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize