I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
nutella sex= disaster
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
