Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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