Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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