be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We have so much sex to catch up on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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