wanna go halves on a baby?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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