Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ladies don't puke and tell
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
