Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
