I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
