I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
