i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
