i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
