Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
