Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
