so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
