Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
