i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
