dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
