i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm passing your future prison.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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