Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
