There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
