Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My dick has a subreddit
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
