You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I forgot how hot balto sounded
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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