I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
