Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize