ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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