I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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