hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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