Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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