i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
