First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
