Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
