i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hippo gnu deer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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