At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
