I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
