Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
did i just pee glitter
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
