Can i not drive my cunt home
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
