i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This house was built for laser tag.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
