Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
