the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
