Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
