is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
