when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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