Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
