I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
