Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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