I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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