just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
