my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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