He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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